Wait for thank-you note before judging
By Jon Busdeker on May. 17, 2007
Dear Emily: My friend’s daughter recently graduated from college, and I was invited to a celebratory party at her house after the big event. I thought it would be appropriate to give the graduate, “Casey,” a gift, but since I don’t know her very well, I opted for a $50 check. This may not seem like a lot of money to some, but it is to me. And I was very annoyed that no one said thank you. The graduate opened her gifts in front of everyone, and just treated the cards (many with money inside), like they didn’t matter. I feel like I should say something to my friend, but don’t want to come across as rude.
— Unappreciated and Upset
Dear Unappreciated and Upset: The daughter was rude and should have said thank you. But give the situation a week or two before confronting anyone — you still may get a thank you note in the mail.
Despite the fact that Casey is a college graduate, she could still be immature, and thanking you in person (someone she doesn’t know very well) may have been awkward.
If no note arrives, you could play dumb and ask your friend if her daughter got the card and gift (pretending you didn’t see her open it). See what she says. If nothing comes of it, chalk it up to the family doesn’t know much about gift receiving etiquette.
And to make yourself feel better, keep reminding yourself that you give a gift because you want to, not because you expect something in return.
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