Lack of physical attraction or just dreaming?
By Jon Busdeker on Aug. 06, 2007
Dear Emily: My boyfriend “Chad” of one year just told me he wished I had bigger breasts. Our relationship has been a little rocky lately, so we sat down to talk about what we would change about each other if we could. I said I’d like him to be more sensitive about keeping plans we make together, and he told me he wants me to change my appearance! I was appalled and stormed out of his apartment. Am I right to be utterly annoyed with him?
— Perturbed with Petty Boyfriend
Dear Perturbed with Petty Boyfriend: You have a right to be more than just annoyed. You are trying to make your relationship more solid, while your boyfriend is either not taking the matter seriously, or has serious problems understanding what makes a relationship work.
If he no longer finds himself physically attracted to you, then yes, that is something serious you two should discuss. But if he was just merely expressing a wish, he is juvenile and inappropriate.
Either way, Chad sounds like a jerk, but at least knowing what he is thinking will help you better deal with this situation.
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COMMENTS
Most articles I read state that physical attraction really only matters in the beginning of a relationship. Yes I agree that it can not be the only thing in a relationship, however my boyfriend’s body language nor words indicate that he is attracted to me. To make this even clearer, yes we still have intimate relations in the bedroom so to speak, but outside of the bedroom, there is “no” physical chemistry/attraction. He has also stated to me in the past that he loves looking at beautiful women (nude pics etc). It is apparent that he had no problem verbalizing this to me. I asked why he thinks that I would feel he was attracted to me if he was unable to physically or verbally express that to me. Body language doesn’t lie (in my eyes). Where does that leave our relationship? I know I don’t feel good about being intamate with a him. I guess I feel like I’m chopped liver compared to his beautiful icons (yes he used the word icon as well). Personally I think it is important that he is attracted to me. Am I wrong to feel this way?