Don’t stress over small problems in relationship
By Jon Busdeker on May. 03, 2007
Dear Emily: My girlfriend and I got into a fight, again, because I brought some friends home after work without telling her first. She argues that she needs time to clean the apartment and prepare food, but I keep telling her that no one but her cares about that stuff. Why won’t she just relax?
— Learn to Loosen Up
Dear Learn to Loosen Up: Why won’t you just pick up the phone? Even if you don’t agree with your girlfriend, you have to at least understand that presenting a clean place and being a good hostess is important to her.
Isn’t that, and avoiding a repeating argument, worth picking up the phone and giving her some warning?
Relationships require compromise and work and, as problems go, this is a pretty simple one. Your girlfriend isn’t asking you not to bring your friends home, just for a simple heads-up.
So give in on this one and be thankful that there is such an easy fix.
Dear Emily: My husband and I are expecting our first child in just a few short months. In addition to worrying about being good parents, I’m beginning to worry that I will lose my friends that don’t have children yet. Yesterday, one of my friends, “Theresa,” made a comment about how she doesn’t care for children, and we should get together soon before it is “too late.” Emily, I know my life is about to change dramatically, but do my friends have to change too?
— Baby Blues
Dear Baby Blues: As a new mom, you may not have time to take a daily shower, let alone hang out with friends. And I’m sure your friend is aware of the time restrictions children place on parents and therefore wants to spend as much time with you as she can before the baby comes.
Once you become comfortable with being a mom, and your baby is old enough to stay with a sitter, you can certainly keep hanging with your friends.
This isn’t to say it will be easy — making time for anything can be challenging. But if you make an effort, you can maintain your relationships.
As for those who don’t like children, well, you may see them less than the others! There are only so many times that you’ll be able, and willing, to leave your child in someone else’s care so you can hang with your friends.
Dear Emily: My sister just moved to town and has started hanging out with me every chance she gets in attempt to meet my friends and make some of her own. I understand she doesn’t want to be lonely, but to be quite honest, she embarrasses me all the time. She tells stories about me when we were younger — and not flattering ones! I’m at the point where I just want to tell her to go back where she came from! But I know that is just too mean. How else can I get her to tone the stories down a bit?
— Telling Tales
Dear Telling Tales: Before taking the drastic step of asking her to move, did you try the more subtle one of just asking her to keep certain stories off limits?
Sisters are lucky (usually) in that they share a special bond. This means you should be able to be open with her and explain how you feel without hurting her feelings.
If she is struggling to make conversation with these people, give her some helpful suggestions about their hobbies and interests.
And remember, you know just as much dirt on your sister as she does on you, so I’m sure she won’t put up too much of a fight about acceptable conversation starters!
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