Don’t let friends influence decision
By Mark Bailey on Oct. 24, 2007
Dear Emily: My 21st birthday is coming up, and as a birthday present to myself I saved up to get a tattoo. Now that the time is approaching though, I am getting scared and thinking of backing out. My friends keep making fun of me and calling me a chicken. I guess they’re right because I just don’t think I can go through with it any more, but I can’t get them to leave me alone about my decision.
— Torn over tattoo
Dear Torn over tattoo: I hope by the age of 21 you won’t make a decision based on what your friends say. You need to decide for yourself what you want, and then deal with your friends. Tattoos are permanent (and expensive), so if there is even the slightest hesitation, don’t get one. Think of another gift you can give yourself that would be just as fun. As for your friends, unless they all have tattoos already, they have no room to talk. Get them to back off by asking them to help you plan an alternative birthday treat.
Dear Emily: My sister and I have never really agreed on anything as children, and now that we are adults, nothing has changed. We decided to throw our parents a 50th wedding anniversary party together, and I want to have an elegant, catered affair. “Beth” on the other hand wants to have a theme party, like a casino night or a costume party. I think that would be tacky and can’t seem to make her see that my way is the way to go.
— Party Planning Problems
Dear Party Planning Problems: Squabbling sisters shouldn’t be the focus here — it should be your parents’ interests. Both of you need to put aside what you think would make for a good party and start focusing on what your parents’ would like. Ask your sister for help in rummaging through some of there old photographs and looking for clues as to what kind of parties they went to back when they were first engaged or married. Combine your two ideas of elegance and a theme party by having a fun fifties bash, like they may have had back in their day.
Dear Emily: I have been dating my boyfriend “Rick” for four years and I just don’t thing the word “marriage” is in his vocabulary. Every time I mention getting married he always has an excuse, like he can’t afford a ring or he is not at a good place in his career yet. I appreciate that he wants things to be right, but I am not getting any younger and don’t want to wait forever. Is it time to give him an ultimatum?
— Wishing and waiting
Dear Wishing and waiting: Only give an ultimatum if you’re prepared for the results. For whatever reason, Rick is not ready for marriage, and forcing his hand may only push him away forever. If you can live with that, then go ahead and throw down the gauntlet. But if you are not ready to lose him, try finding out the real reason for his hesitation. Maybe he wants everything to be perfect because he is afraid of failure if it isn’t. Maybe he is just scared of commitment.
Once you figure out what is behind his hesitation, try to minimize his fears the best you can and give him more time to come around.
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