Does mother really know best?
By Jon Busdeker on May. 10, 2007
A mom is something special. She can make the pain of a scraped knee go away. She can scare the monsters under your bed back to boogieland. She can make mashed potatoes better than anyone in the whole world.
On Mother’s Day, the average American spends more than $130 on mom, according to the National Retail Federation. We love our moms.
But not all moms are like June Cleaver.
Some brandish meat cleavers and kill.
So what do you get a horrible mom on Mother’s Day?
Here’s one suggestion for a “bad mom” card:
You tried to kill camp counselors
You didn’t want wire hangers
You never kissed me
You never loved me
On this Mother’s Day
Thanks for nothing Mom
I hate your guts
Most real-life moms don’t deserve this mock-Hallmark creation on their special day, but some moms — especially Hollywood moms — do. Here’s a list of rotten mamas who shouldn’t expect any presents on Mother’s Day:
Pamela Voorhees
The camp counselors were being naughty while her son was drowning in the lake. Jason wasn’t supposed to be swimming.
Kill. Kill. Kill. Mom. Mom. Mom.
Before the hockey-masked madman took on promiscuous teens, it was his mother Pamela Voorhees doing the killing. She may not win Mother of the Year, but no one would argue Mrs. Voorhees didn’t love her son.
In “Friday the 13th,” Betsy Palmer played one mean momma as she terrorized the teenagers of Camp Crystal Lake. She put an axe into one counselor’s face, a knife into a stomach of another and even a young Kevin Bacon got a spear through his throat.
But all good things must come to an end, and the crazed Mrs. Voorhees met her demise with a quick machete chop to the noggin’.
If you miss Mrs. Voorhees, don’t worry. Her head makes a cameo in the sequel.
Peggy Bundy
Peggy Bundy is definitely in the running for World’s Worst Mom.
She makes fun of her kids every chance she gets. She can mess up a salad. She dresses like a white-trash hillbilly that can’t seem to get out of the 1960s
But that’s what makes Peggy from TV’s “Married …With Children” so much fun. For 10 seasons, we laughed at all of her despicable ways and thought, “Thank God she’s not my mom.”
The show broke all of television’s rules by showing a dysfunctional family that didn’t try to be like the Cosbys. Al hated his job. Kelly was a tramp. Bud (or Grandmaster B) was a lady repellent.
And Margaret “Peggy” Wanker Bundy, played by Katey Sagal, never cooked, cleaned or worked. She was the anti-mother who loved watching “Oprah” and eating BonBons. She nagged at her husband, but was always there to defend him.
WHOOOOOOAAAA BUNDY!!!
Mommie Dearest
Faye Dunaway played the legendary Joan Crawford in the campy classic that’s almost synonymous with being a horrible mom. Paramount Pictures even used the tagline “Meet the biggest MOTHER of them all,” according to the Internet Movie Database.
Released in 1981, “Mommie Dearest” was panned by critics and went on to win five Razzie awards including Worst Picture of the Year.
But the film, which depicts Crawford’s obsession with cleanliness and her crazed lifestyle, has reached cult status.
The story follows the life of Crawford’s adopted daughter Christina Crawford. As the audience, we have front row seats to Crawford’s temper tantrums and motherly meltdowns.
In one of the film’s most memorable scenes, Crawford torments her daughters by declaring “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS … EVER.”
In 2005, the American Film Institute honored “Mommie Dearest” by ranking its most memorable quote No. 72 on AFI’s “100 Years ... 100 Movie Quotes.”
Serial Mom
According to the film’s tagline, “She a fabulous, loving, caring mother who, er … happens to be a serial killer.”
In this 1994 John Waters’ film, Kathleen Turner plays Beverly R. Sutphin, an all-American housewife with a picture-perfect family. The only problem is she’s a serial killer.
One morning while the family’s eating breakfast, police drop by and question the family about a series of threatening phone calls made to the neighbors.
Soon, it’s revealed that Beverly is behind the phone calls and her rampage begins.
“Serial Mom,” which also stars Ricki Lake and Matthew Lillard (of “Scream” fame, which has a crazy mom in “Scream 2”), is a bizarre take on parenting. Throughout the film, Beverly kills people who mess with her family.
And it’s her variety of weapons that makes the film so over-the-top it’s laughable.
In one scene, Beverly kills a woman with a leg of lamb with the song “Tomorrow, Tomorrow” playing in the background.
Evil Stepmother
Once upon a time, a kind-hearted father married a woman named Lady Tremaine. He wanted his daughter Cinderella to have a proper upbringing with a mother’s care.
The woman had two daughtes: Anastasia and Drizella.
Time passed and the father died, leaving poor Cinderella at the mercy of the three woman and and a cat named Lucifer.
In Walt Disney’s 1950 annimated classic, we see how cruel a mother (in this case a stepmother) can be. It’s a wonder Cinderella didn’t wish for a baseball bat from her fairy godmother to hit Lady Tremaine with because that may have knocked some sense into the old hag.
First, the evil stepmother makes her stepdaughter the house servant. But Cinderella doesn’t hold a grudge and goes about her chores.
Then, when word from the king asks for every eligible maid to come to the ball, Lady Tremaine says Cinderella can go if she finishes her work.
With help from her rodent friends, Cinderella finishes in time for the ball and fixes an old gown. Evil stepmom convinces her other daughters Cinderella “stole” their sash and beads. The ladies rip apart Cinderella’s dress and she can’t go to the ball.
Cue the fairy godmother, a ball at the palace with a prince and a pumpkin.
In the end, evil stepmom tries to ruin Cinderella’s destiny by locking her in an attic and smashing the glass slipper.
But, Cinderella’s too clever and she and the prince live happly ever after.
Mrs. Bates
Norman Bates will never be happy. He had a chance with a beautiful woman named Marion Crane who just happened to stop by the Bates Motel one night.
The two had a great conversation about birds.
But, Marion was tired. It had been a long day of stealing $40,000 and running from the police. Marion decided to take a shower and relax. That was her fatal mistake.
Mother was jealous. You could hear it in her voice when she yelled at her son Norman.
There couldn’t be another woman in the Bates house. Something had to be done.
Shower scene. Big knife. Blood.
Oh Mother, why won’t you let Norman talk to another woman?
(If you haven’t seen Psycho, don’t read any further because we don’t want to spoil it for you.)
At least at the end you find out Mother has been dead for years and Norman is just plain crazy. Maybe she wasn’t so bad.
Real-life bad moms
TV and movies had their doozies, but nothing beats the real thing. These woman make us love our moms that much more.
Diane Downs: In 1983, in Springfield, Ore., a woman pulled up to a hospital and yelled, “Somebody just shot my kids!” In the backseat of Diane Downs’ car, three little childern were bleeding from close-range gunshot wounds. One child died. The other two survived.
According to crimelibrary.com, Downs blamed a “bushy-haired stranger” for the crime.
Downs was arrested, and at her trial a prosecuter asked Down’s daughter who shot her. The answer: “My mom.”
Downs was sentenced to life in prison plus 50 years.
Jessica Botzko: A 10-year-old boy and his brother ran away from their Toledo home on May 2 of this year and were found by police. When questioned, the boys told investigators their mother and father had locked them in dog cages and made them wear remote-controlled shock collars.
Police arrested Jessica Botzko and John Westover on child endangerment charges.
When authorities searched the home, they found a cage — fewer than 2 feet tall and 2 feet wide — with a chain across the top and two locks on each end. According to the local newspaper, the Toledo Blade, the older boy told police he was forced to live in the cage and was repeatedly shocked by the collar.
Botzko and Westover are awaiting trial.
Andrea Yates: In Texas, a woman who claims she suffered from post-partum depression went on a murderous rampage and drowned her five children in the family bathtub.
When she finished, she called her husband to tell him what had been done.
When police arrived, they found four children lying on a bed. All dead. Yates’ oldest child, Noah, was still in the bathtub.
Yates confessed.
She went to trial and was found guilty of capital murder.
In 2006, a Texas jury said Yates’ was insane when she drowned her five children and acquitted her of capital murder. She has been in a state hospital ever since.
COMMENTS
Mothers always will know best for their children and will always give good advices…