Ask Emily: Wrong side of the line
By Mark Bailey on Nov. 04, 2009
Dear Emily: Please help! My sister asked me to go shopping with her to help her find a formal dress she needs for a holiday party. The things she picked out were all really tight, low-cut and inappropriate. And did I mention that she is seven months pregnant? How do I tell my hormonal sister that what she plans to wear is extremely distasteful for someone in her condition? – In bad taste
Dear In bad taste: Whether someone is pregnant or not, wearing something that is too provocative is considered inappropriate. There is a fine line between trashy and sexy, and if your sister is crossing over to the dark side, you are obligated to help. But instead of pointing out the negative things in the outfits she picks, try finding outfits that accentuate your sister’s positive attributes. Remind her that looking classy and sophisticated is a lot more attractive to people than looking provocative. Pick dresses out for her to try on that will not make her feel like she is wearing a tent (a difficult task when very pregnant). Remember black is slimming and horizontal stripes are the enemy.
Dear Emily: My boyfriend and I live together in an apartment, and this year for Thanksgiving he asked that we have his parents over and cook a formal dinner for them. I agreed and thought it sounded like a lot of fun! But the other day my two best friends from college called me and said that they have no Thanksgiving Day plans and they want to come visit me for a few days. I hate to say no to them; I rarely get to see them anymore. But I know that they are kind of the wild and crazy type and won’t fit in to my boyfriend’s idea of formal dinner.
What do I do? – Who to choose
Dear Who to choose: If you already committed to plans involving just your boyfriend and his parents, it is only fair that you honor that.
You’ll just have to tell your friends that you are busy for Thanksgiving but they are free to visit the day after. This could even work out for the best—you can have a second, more casual, feast with your friends and enjoy just relaxing with them without the added pressure of entertaining the parents. Pick out some fun recipes, too, that you and your friends can try cooking together.
Dear Emily: I got caught re-gifting something. I got a horribly ugly silk scarf several months ago for my birthday and would never be seen wearing it. So when I was invited to a friend of a friend’s birthday party, I thought it would be the perfect time to pass the gift along to someone else. To my surprise, the person who gave me the gift was at the party! When she saw the guest of honor open the scarf, she just looked sad, but she didn’t say anything about it to her or to me. Now I’m wondering if I should apologize to her, or just let it go. – Guilty over gift
Dear Guilty over gift: Well, I guess it goes without saying that you’ve learned your lesson. Re-gifting isn’t a good practice, as it is offensive to the person who gave you the gift and distasteful in regard to the new gift recipient. But enough scolding for now. I suggest you do nothing about this situation. Like it or not, you already embarrassed this person who gave you the scarf, so to bring up the incident again would only cause her further embarrassment.
—Have a question? Ask Emily at or write in care of The Burg, P.O. Box 10129, Lynchburg, VA 24506. Then go to http://www.the-burg.com and leave a comment.
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