Ask Emily: To mail or not to mail …
By Susan Pugh on May. 15, 2008
Dear Emily: I am getting married in about a year and have a question about wedding invitations. Invitations are not very important to me, and I’d rather spend my money on something else. I suggested to my fiancé that we just send out e-vites, but he said that is tacky and no one does that. Is he right?
— Mail costs money
Dear Mail costs money: With the constant rise in stamp prices, I can’t blame you for considering alternatives to the traditional wedding invitation. But you should consider that many brides like to keep their invitations as a keepsake. You may not care now about printed invitations, but you’d hate to regret your decision later if you decide it would have been nice to have some. Also, remember that a wedding invitation can say a lot about your event. Formal cards indicate, you guessed it, a more formal affair. Sending an e-vite may indicate to some that your event is a casual thing, even if that is not your intention. That said, e-vite does have wedding invitation designs on their Web site, so to say “no one” uses them would probably be a mistake. But they certainly aren’t mainstream yet and could be considered tacky to some.
Dear Emily: For about a year I have had a crush on my friend, “Jen” but never asked her out. The guys she dates seems to fit the same mold — wealthy, successful and good-looking. I consider myself an average guy and not really extraordinary in any of these categories. Well, a college friend of mine moved in with me last month and asked Jen out. Now the two of them seem to be seeing a lot of each other, and I can’t help but be angry. Should I tell my friend how I feel and ask him to back off?
— I saw her first
Dear I saw her first: You can’t be mad at your friend because, quite frankly, you only have yourself to blame. You had your chance and lost it. Now saying something would be selfish and would just ruin your friend’s happiness, not to mention Jen’s. Consider this a lesson learned. The lesson, of course, is to take chances, don’t let intimidation control your life and don’t let a good thing pass you by.
Dear Emily: I have a group of about eight friends I get together with frequently on the weekends, but I really click well with two of them, so the three of us go out on our own a lot. The problem is one of the girls, “Nancy,” always talks about our smaller get-togethers in front of the entire group, and I’m afraid she might be hurting other people’s feelings by making them feel excluded. How do I politely bring this issue to her attention?
— No hurt feeling
Dear No hurt feelings: It’s best to be direct in this situation because Nancy probably just doesn’t realize what she is doing is rude. Tell her at your next small get-together that it would be best if you all agreed not to talk about your outings in front of the entire group (or at least not make a big deal about them). Put it in a way that Nancy is sure to understand. Explain that you would feel uncomfortable hearing about social events that others in the group were part of that you weren’t.
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