Ask Emily: The trouble with text
By Susan Pugh on Feb. 21, 2008
Dear Emily: How safe is text messaging? I sent my girlfriend a naughty little note the other day, and she told me she deleted it right away so nobody else would see it. Once she deletes it, is it gone for good, or should I hope we don’t break up in the next month so she can’t ever use it against me?!
- Safe Text
Dear Safe Text: Well, if you ask Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, he’d probably tell you text messaging is not all that safe. The married mayor sent some naughty little notes himself to his chief of staff - a very bad idea on his part. Apparently, what you text to someone can be retrieved months after you send or receive it. The good news is, however, that it is not an easy thing to do. It would involve a subpoena and law enforcement. But why take chances, right? Learn from the mayor’s mistakes and never send anything that you don’t want others to see.
Dear Emily: My boyfriend’s sister bought me the most hideous sweater for my birthday. I swear, it was like she went shopping to find the ugliest thing possible in all clothing stores. Since “Natalie” gave it to me, I’ve seen her three times. Each time she acts disappointed that I didn’t wear the sweater in front of her. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also refuse to be seen in public wearing the monstrosity. Should I keep using the old “Oh, I just wore it the other day,” line?
- Sweating the sweater
Dear Sweating the sweater: Obviously the sweater means a lot to Natalie. Either that, or she secretly hates you and plans to snap photos of you in the gift and use them as blackmail. But let’s just assume that she wanted to buy you something special for your birthday. Would it kill you just to wear it once? Invite her over to your place for dinner and wear it then-this way, no one else will witness your fashion blunder. Your other option is to think of some different excuses, like the sweater suffered from a tragic stain, or it got lost in your dryer with some socks.
Dear Emily: I have only been dating my boyfriend for just over three months. I’ve come to accept that he is possibly “the one,” after experiencing many horrible relationships. For Christmas/birthday, he gave me a diamond ring. The ring was said to be a ring of commitment, to let others know I was in a serious relationship. At the end of January, we both became quite financially unstable. I moved back in with my parents, creating a three-hour distance between us. He, however, still lives with his mother, bought a new truck, has an underpaying job and can’t motivate himself to find a better one. Shortly after I moved, he became more stressed about his financial situation, and every time we spoke on the phone it seemed like he was taking it out on me. So he asked for some space to work everything out before it caused a wedge in our relationship. A week of no talking went by, and I was emotionally upset and needed to talk to him. Two days of unanswered calls went by. Finally, I received a text message from him telling me he couldn’t answer his phone because he went on vacation to clear his head. I can’t quite figure out how someone could be so stressed about money and just take off from work to go on vacation. It now has been five days since that text and still nothing from him. Should I be worried maybe this is his way of saying it’s over, or just sit back and wait for his call?
- Dreading the end
Dear Dreading the end: Maybe your luck hasn’t changed after all when it comes to horrible relationships. Think about it - this guy says he wants a serious relationship, but then quickly turns around and asks for space. The two of you have only been dating for three months (long distance now), so how much more space could he need? Sounds like he needs to get his act together before he is able to make a serious commitment to someone else. He is financially irresponsible and emotionally immature. Don’t sit around torturing yourself. Accept that your boyfriend is not ready for this relationship and move on. Maybe someday he’ll grow up and you two will have a happy ending, but for now love and marriage just don’t seem to be in the cards.
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