Ask Emily: The past should stay there
By Jeremy Fogt on Apr. 02, 2008
Dear Emily: My boyfriend wants to know how many guys I’ve slept with before we started dating, and I’m afraid to tell him. It’s not a large number, but I know guys don’t want to hear that their girlfriend has been with other people. Would it be OK to tell him I’d rather leave what is in the past in the past, or then will he just think the worst of me?
— Just a numberDear Just a number: Tell him you lost count when the number hit the triple digits. No — just kidding. In all seriousness, if you have a sexual relationship with your boyfriend, then there are certain things he has a right to know. For example, have you ever had unprotected sex and have you been tested for STDs. But the actual numbers of partners you’ve had is only your business. Ask your boyfriend why this number is so important to him. If it is just curiosity, then convince him that some things are better left unsaid and you should both concentrate on your future, not the past. And if he wants to know because he thinks the number says something about you, remind him that passing judgment on others says a lot about a person as well.
Dear Emily: I met a really great girl at a party several weeks ago, but she had a boyfriend. Since that time we met, we’ve kept in touch. She just told me that she broke up with her boyfriend, so I’d like to ask her out. I don’t want to ask her if she isn’t ready to date yet, but I don’t want to miss an opportunity and have some other guy ask her out. What is a good time frame for this?
— Waiting for the right moment
Dear Waiting for the right moment: The amount of time this girl needs depends entirely on how long her previous relationship lasted. A three-year relationship will obviously take a lot more healing time than a three-month one. So why not give her two weeks to get over the initial shock of the break-up, and then just ask her. Tell her you want to ask her out on a date if she feels ready for it. If she does, that’s great. If not, try again when you notice a change in her behavior.
Dear Emily: I go jogging in my neighborhood three or four times a week, and I always pass this one house with a really vicious looking dog. He is never on a leash and always looks like he is going to run over and bite me or something. Should I say something to the owner about keeping his dog properly chained up, or just hope that the dog never decides to chase me?
— Dodging doggieDear Dodging doggie: A dog doesn’t have to be chained up to me secure. Perhaps the owners have an electric fence to keep the dog in place. So be careful of accusing people in your neighborhood of negligence before you know the facts. You could politely inquire about the dog’s behavior to help you feel more protected. Or you could change your jogging route. Another possibility common to runners (and yes, mail carriers) is to carry a dog whistle or ultrasonic dog repeller to keep the animals away.
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gmail.com or write in care of The Burg, P.O. Box 10129, Lynchburg, VA 24506. Then go to http://www.the-burg.com and leave a comment.
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