Ask Emily: Talk it out with family
By Susan Pugh on Jun. 12, 2008
Dear Emily: I am 35 years-old, and I started dating “Justin,” a 26-year-old, about two months ago. Justin recently lost his job, so I told him he could live with me for a while until he gets back on his feet. I told my family this, and they are now in an uproar. My parents refuse to visit while Justin is living there, and my brother keeps lecturing me on my bad decisions. People date younger people all the time and live with significant others, so can you please explain to me what the big deal is here? Am I wrong to expect some family support?
— Feuding with family
Dear Feuding with family: You’ll have to ask your family what the big deal is here. Perhaps your parents are against living with someone before marriage. People may do it all the time, but that doesn’t mean your parents have to like it. And maybe your brother thinks Justin is a jerk for some reason. So if family support is what you’re after, sit down with them and find out what is behind this uproar. If it’s only the age difference, give them some logical reasons why a younger guy is right for you. Rumor has it that younger men are supposed to be more sensitive, better listeners and better in bed (but let’s leave that last part out of the family conversation). And hey, if Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher can make it work, why can’t you? And maybe if your family spends more time with Justin, they’ll get to know (and like) him better.
Dear Emily: I am 16 years old and found out a few weeks ago that my parents are getting divorced. Now they want to send me to therapy to help me get through the ordeal. I don’t want to go, though. I am embarrassed to tell my friends I’m going to a shrink, not to mention I really don’t think I need one. I mean, parents get divorced everyday, right? So how do I get out of this?
— Dreading doctor
Dear Dreading doctor: Try asking you parents to compromise. If they’ll agree not to make you go to therapy now, maybe you could agree to go later down the road if they feel it’s necessary. This way you have time to show them that you can adjust to this life change without professional help. But at the same time, your parents will know that you are willing to talk to someone if and when they deem appropriate. If, however, they insist that you go, just make the best of it. Talking things out can feel really good sometimes.
Dear Emily: I started a new job last week, and before I even got settled in, someone from the office came around asking everyone for money to buy another employee a wedding gift. I don’t even know the person getting married and feel I shouldn’t have to chip in. Is it wrong of me to say I don’t want to contribute?
— Don’t want to donate
Dear Don’t want to donate: You may not be wrong to withhold money, but you wouldn’t be wise. You are starting a new job and (most likely) trying to make a good impression on your co-workers. It’s not fair that you got hit up for gift money on your very first week, but it happened. So you might as well make the best of the situation and consider it an opportunity to show that you are a friendly person. After all, wouldn’t it be better to be known as “that nice new guy” than “that stingy new employee?”
u Have a question on love, life, or etiquette? Don’t be shy — Ask Emily at or write in care of The Burg, P.O. Box 10129, Lynchburg, VA 24506. Then go to http://www.the-burg.com and leave a
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