Ask Emily: Stuck in the shadow
By Susan Pugh on Oct. 01, 2008
Dear Emily: I went to visit my parents this weekend and all they did was talk about my sister - how great she’s doing, how much they love her new boyfriend, and how much fun they have when they’re around her. I’m happy that they all have such a great relationship, really, but would it kill them to focus on me for just a little while when I’m around? I’m obviously not their favorite, so how do I get them to change their feelings towards me without making matters worse?
- Someone else’s shadow
Dear Someone else’s shadow: Don’t jump to conclusions quite yet about how your parents feel about you. You may find out that they talk to your sister about you just as much as they talk to you about her. It could just be their way of keeping everyone connected. Another possibility is that your parents don’t know what else to say to you -maybe they think you’ll enjoy hearing about your sister more than hearing about what they’ve been up to. There are a dozen reasons why your parents may chose to talk to you the way they do, and without asking them, you’ll never know why. So open up to your mom and dad and tell them how you feel (or maybe talk to just one of them to start with if you have a better relationship with one over the other). Hopefully if your parents are made aware of their behavior, and what it does to you in return, things will change for the better immediately.
Dear Emily: I have been good friends with this girl named “Melanie” for almost two years now, and I thought we were becoming really close over time. But she just told me a few months ago that she is pregnant, and ever since then she has been really distant. I have two children of my own, so I thought this news would bring us even closer, but instead it’s like Melanie doesn’t want to talk to me about her pregnancy at all and we’re becoming farther apart. Should I say something to her about it, or let this friendship just take its course?
- Sad to lose a friend
Dear Sad to lose a friend: If this “course” your friendship is on is headed toward a dead-end, then you should definitely try an alternative plan. Talk to Melanie and ask her straight out why she has been distant. Be honest about how you are a little hurt that she hasn’t come to you for help. You may find out that she just didn’t want to bother you with what she felt were silly questions, or maybe she has a lot of family who are giving her lots of advice. Perhaps she hasn’t been feeling well and hasn’t wanted to call anyone to talk (think back to how tired and sick pregnancy made you feel). Give this friendship a chance by coming clean with Melanie and trying to set things back on the right track. It can’t hurt to try, right?
Dear Emily: I haven’t really been worried about the economy, until lately when I’ve heard about all these banks failing and closing. Now I can’t help but be concerned for my own financial institution and my own money. Is my money safe at the bank, or should I start storing funds under my mattress?
- In an economic panic
Dear In an economic panic: The short answer is yes; your money is safe at the bank because it is FDIC insured. That means that even if a bank goes under, your funds are guaranteed (up to $100,000). However, while the FDIC insurance covers all types of deposits received at an insured bank (including deposits in checking, savings accounts, money market deposit accounts, and certificates of deposits), it does not insure money invested in stocks, bonds, mutual funds, life insurance policies, annuities, or municipal securities. But don’t get in a panic quite yet if you have a lot of these products -most banks have a diversified portfolio to balance risk, while many of the banks you’ve been hearing about in the news had more risky portfolios. So your money, and your bank, are probably safe. Use your mattress for sleeping only.
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