Ask Emily: Save the blame
By Casey Gillis on Jun. 19, 2008
Dear Emily: My wife and I had our first child a year ago, and we agreed that she would stay at home to raise our daughter, rather than work outside of the home. Yet my wife doesn’t seem to do much around the house. When our daughter is asleep, or entertaining herself with some toys, my wife reads novels or plays on the computer. Then all the housework, bills and errands have to be done by both of us on the weekend. I don’t think this is fair to me. I don’t get breaks in the middle of the workday; why should she? Shouldn’t she put in a full days work so we both can enjoy the weekend?
- Wife woes
Dear Wife woes: Laziness isn’t acceptable, especially when it creates more work for another individual. But without hearing your wife’s side of the story, I’m hesitant to agree with you. Running after a toddler can be exhausting. And while Baby Einstein movies and Dr. Seuss books may be mentally stimulating to your daughter, your wife may find a desperate need to do some cognitive activities during the day, like reading a book. So before you start throwing around blame, sit down with your wife and talk about how you both can work to get stuff done during the week to better enjoy the weekend.
Dear Emily: I noticed a friend of mine had some cuts on her arms the other week, and she said she got scratched by a cat. But then later on I saw she had cuts on her legs as well. Either that was some ferocious cat, or there is something else going on here. What are some signs that she could be cutting herself on purpose? I’ve heard of people doing this as a way to cope with stress.
- Concerned over cutting
Dear Concerned over cutting: You’re right to be concerned, as some people do turn to injuring themselves on purpose (by making scratches or cuts on their body) as a way to cope with the emotional pain. They may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, so they cut to get some sort of relief from bad feelings. Pay attention to your friend’s moods. Is she dealing with a lot of stress right now? Look for scars from cuts and bruises. Also, does she claim to have these accidents frequently? Does she wear long sleeves or long pants to cover up any marks? If so, try to get her some help. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain, so let her know that there are people out there who can help her.
Dear Emily: I had a girlfriend tell me once I was a bad kisser. How do I know if this is true or, more importantly, how to get better?
- Terrible technique
Dear Terrible technique: As far as knowing whether or not to trust your ex-girlfriend, you’re on your own. But I can give you some kissing pointers. Start with the most important and most basic tip-make sure your breath is fresh. Nothing is worse than kissing someone and knowing exactly what they just ate for dinner. Next, make sure to have moist lips so your kisses are soft and gentle. Also, pay attention to timing and rhythm. Work with your partner-not against them. When kissing is done right, you should feel very in sync with your girlfriend. Finally, watch your body language. Holding your partner’s hand or cradling her face while kissing is a great way to turn kissing into a whole body experience.
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