Ask Emily: Mom’s logic flawed
By Casey Gillis on Nov. 05, 2008
Dear Emily: I have a 17-year-old daughter, “Lacey,” in high school. Last week she went to a party at a friend’s house, and when she came home. she told me that there was alcohol at the party — which the friend’s mother bought. According to my daughter, the mother feels that if kids are going to drink, it is best that they do it under adult supervision. But I say a 17-year-old shouldn’t be drinking at all. Period. I’m wondering if I should talk to the police, the other mothers of Lacey’s friends, or just the mother buying the booze. What would Emily do?
— Buying Booze Blues
Dear Buying Booze Blues: While some people may agree with this mother’s thought pattern, the logic behind it is flawed. The teenagers aren’t going to spend every free night they have at this woman’s house, so what happens when they go somewhere else? They’ve been exposed to drinking, enjoy it and are going to find other ways to do it — and not under adult supervision. So you need to put an end to this. Start by talking to this mom and explaining why she should change her philosophy. Then, no matter what she says, tell the other parents. They have a right to know, especially if this woman doesn’t agree to stop buying alcohol. You should threaten to call the police so this woman knows you are serious about the matter. And you certainly should follow through on the threat if she refuses to listen.
Dear Emily: I work in a small retail store that employs about 40 people. Everyone gets along with each other and lends a hand wherever it’s needed, except for “Chip.” Chip never helps out and instead always runs to management and complains about the rest of the staff. What is worse is that he spreads gossip about us to our boss and is damaging our reputations. I’m not sure what my boss thinks of Chip, or if he believes the gossip, so I don’t know if it is a good idea to confront him. But something needs to change because Chip shouldn’t be allowed to behave like this in the work place, right?
— Casualty of lies
Dear Casualty of lies: Chip sounds like a jerk, I agree. But you shouldn’t blame him for ruining your reputation — only you can do that. If you continue to do your job and do it well, there would be no reason for your reputation to be tarnished and no reason for your boss to believe Chip’s lies. Don’t worry about what Chip says behind your back — let him be juvenile if he chooses. Take the high road and just ignore this nuisance.
Dear Emily: I was invited to my friend’s daughter’s wedding a couple of years ago and couldn’t attend due to my financial situation. I had lost my job and couldn’t afford a plane ticket or hotel room. I sent the bride a small present, spending only about $30 (believe me, that was generous considering my predicament). Now, two years later, I am invited to my same friend’s other daughter’s wedding. This time I can afford to go and buy a nice gift. Do you think this will hurt the first daughter’s feelings? Should I explain my situation to her, or just leave it alone? I am really close with the family and wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
— Slighting the sister
Dear Slighting the sister: If you have been good friends with this family for several years, they know you and know you wouldn’t purposely slight one family member over another. They may have even known that your financial situation was poor and, therefore, really appreciate the fact that you bought any gift at all. It truly is the thought that counts. Besides, it’s doubtful that the two sisters would be comparing what one got two years ago with what the other got this go-round. If, however, you want to make up for the cheaper gift (which isn’t really necessary, but a nice gesture), the next time it is appropriate to give a gift, whether for a housewarming party or for a new baby, go ahead and make it something a little extra special.
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