Ask Emily: Missing Compromise
By Casey Gillis on Feb. 14, 2008
Dear Emily: My fiancé just told me he doesn’t want any children, and I know I want at least two. We’ve been engaged for five months, and the wedding is in another three, and this is the first time he is mentioning his dislike for children. Earlier in our relationship, he said he was open to having kids, but all of the sudden he’s changed his mind. This is a big deal to me, and I’m wondering if this means I should call off the wedding.
- Deal Breaker
Dear Deal Breaker: I am a big proponent of compromise, but there are some issues that just can’t be negotiated. Having a child is a big responsibility, and a choice both partners must want to make. And if one partner wants a child and is denied this opportunity, it could lead to a lifetime of regret. Many couples are required to have marital counseling by the religious officiant who will perform their wedding ceremony. If you are going to counseling, I suggest bringing up this issue and getting to the bottom of what you and your fiancé want out of this union. If you can’t come to an agreement, you may want to start reconsidering the marriage.
Dear Emily: I am a 15-year old high school student, whose parents are way too strict about my Internet use. They look at everything I do, read my email and don’t let me go to some normal sites, like YouTube. Can you please help me convince them that YouTube has plenty of good things to offer and that they shouldn’t be so strict?
- Computer control
Dear Computer control: You are absolutely right that there are educational and quality videos on YouTube. Some educators even require students to watch teacher-endorsed clips as part of homework assignments. Instructional videos and step-by-step guides are also available to students to help engage them more in learning. You can tell your parents all of that. But let’s be honest here; if you wanted to use your home computer more often for educational purposes, you wouldn’t be writing to me. Your parents don’t have a problem with educational sites, I’m sure. They want to keep you away from the dangers of cyberspace, and keep you focused on schoolwork. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but just be grateful your parents love you and want what is best for you.
Dear Emily: I hate Valentine’s Day. Mostly, for the obvious reason, because I don’t have a boyfriend. I thought about trying one of these sites like eHarmony, but I feel that they still have a negative stigma attached to them. Do people look at users of those dating sites as losers, or is it just my paranoia?
- Online Okay?
Dear Online Okay: Well, I guess it depends on whom you ask. According to the eHarmony Web site, 90 members (on average) get married every single day. And according to the match.com website, more than 60,000 people join daily. If you ask these people, I’m sure you’ll find an overwhelming positive response to online matchmaking. What started out as a dating trend has become part of our culture. So what’s wrong with being a part of it? There are always pessimists and judgmental people-on any issue. So follow your heart, and the links on the Internet, and give love a chance.
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