Ask Emily: Get out of the house
By Casey Gillis on Jun. 05, 2008
Dear Emily: I am 20 years old and have been dating this girl, “Reagan,” for five months now. She lives with her mom, and they are really close, like best friends. When I go over to her house for dinner or to hang out, Reagan’s mother is always around. She watches movies with us and eats with us and never gives us any privacy. The weird thing is, my girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind. Actually, she seems to enjoy having her mom around. I am getting agitated and was wondering how I should handle the situation.
- Mad over Mom
Dear Mad over Mom: Maybe Reagan is a little bit shy or insecure about dating, and is using her mom as a crutch. Try getting her to go out on a bunch dates with you out of the house. Go to the movies or dinner. Or if you are low on money, play frisbee golf at the park, take her on a picnic, go to the zoo, attend a free poetry reading at a library - whatever you can think of. After you get Reagan out of her comfort zone and feeling more comfortable with you, she may not need (or want) her mother around as much. And this way you may be able to work around the problem without ever having to bring up your specific complaints.
Dear Emily: I just started a new job, and my boss hit on me the very first day. Not only am I married, but so is he. And this was a blatant come-on, not a subtle statement that could have just been a misunderstanding. I really want this job - it is a great career move for me - so I don’t know if I should let this incident slide and hope it doesn’t happen again, or nip the problem in the bud. Any suggestions?
- Freaked about flirting
Dear Freaked about flirting: There are a lot of pros and cons to each scenario, so I suggest you take the time to think this one through and not act hastily. After all, if you turned your boss down and opted to just let the comment slide, who is to say he won’t retaliate for your rejecting him? But if you do say something to someone, like his boss, who is to say the higher-up will believe you or that this won’t escalate into a big office scandal? Your best option may be to talk to someone in the human resource department and get that person’s professional opinion, while agreeing keeping the incident confidential if at all possible. This way you’ll have this harassment documented in case it comes back to haunt you, and maybe even get the issue resolved in some way.
Dear Emily: A good friend of mine, “Henry,” just bought his first house, and he sent out a mass-email letting everyone know his new address. He made a comment in the e-mail about sending housewarming cards with money in it because now he was broke. I’ve known Henry for a long time, and I think while he meant the e-mail to be funny, he was slightly serious about it, too. This is very rude in my opinion, and now I feel like I have to send something. Am I in the wrong here?
- Begrudging gifts
Dear Begrudging gifts: Trying to be funny, sarcastic or subtle over e-mail is not an easy task. It is way too easy for messages to be misconstrued. So you’re right; Henry shouldn’t joke about sending him gifts because it will make people feel awkward. Awkward, but not obligated. If you want to give Henry a housewarming gift, it should be done at the time you visit him at his house. Don’t feel compelled to send him a gift because you haven’t even seen his place yet. Plus, he sent an e-mail with his address, but did he even invite you over yet? Hold off on the gifts for now and just let Henry wait awhile.
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