Ask Emily for July3, 2008
By Mark Bailey on Jul. 03, 2008
Dear Emily: I just got promoted to a manager position and am in charge of three employees. The thing is, they don’t respect me at all. They roll their eyes at things I say and don’t complete tasks when I tell them to. I have never been a manager before and don’t know what to do. Have any good tips?
— Need a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Dear Need a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Never having been a manager myself, I’ll have to direct you elsewhere. First, on what not to do, I suggest you watch the movie Office Space. You’ll learn that micromanaging is counterproductive, employees who feel dispensable are quite volatile, and Hawaiian shirt day is not a proper way to motivate employees. As for the dos, check out the book, “First, Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently.” This is an extremely popular book that debunks standard management philosophies, and teaches you to make the most of your strengths and neutralize your weaknesses. It will be an enjoyable read and provide you with the tools you need to lead.
Dear Emily: I went to the beach with some of my girlfriends last week, and we met a bunch of guys while we were there. We all hung out together, walked around the boardwalk and went to a couple of bars at night. Everything was just fine until one of my friends, “Erin,” decided to go off alone with one of the guys we met. They wanted to take a walk on the beach. I told her not to go by herself, since she hardly knew this guy, but she said she’d be fine and insisted on going. While everything worked out OK, Erin and I have hardly spoken since the beach trip. I am still mad at her for doing something so stupid, and I think she is mad at me for butting into her business. I want to make amends, but I don’t feel I am wrong or should apologize. So how do I make things right between us?
— Fearful for friend
Dear Fearful for friend: Sometimes, friends just need to agree to disagree. Call Erin and explain that you were only trying to be a good friend by looking out for her. At the same time, you’ll need to admit that she is an adult, and you have no right to dictate what she does. If you both can agree to that, you’ll be on your way to repairing this friendship. But there is one more thing to consider. Erin made a horribly dangerous decision to go off alone with a stranger. Before the two of you bury this hatchet and move on, you really need to explain to her one more time why her actions upset you so much. Perhaps if she sees how concerned you are for her safety, Erin will be more likely to forgive you and, more importantly, think twice about her actions on the next vacation.
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Dear Emily: Can you clear up a fashion question for me? My best friend insists on wearing halter-tops and tank tops with her bra straps showing. She says that as long as the bra is the same color as the top, no one even notices. Please tell me that she is wrong about this!
— Bra strap Blunder
Dear Bra strap blunder: There are two types of women who let their bra straps show. Those, like your friend, who aren’t trying to make a statement with the visible bra strap, but just can’t find (or aren’t interested in finding) a bra that actually fits properly underneath their clothes. The second type puts part of their bra on display as a way to look sexy. Neither is attractive. The first group of women looks lazy, as if they did their best to get dressed in the morning with minimal effort. The second group looks trashy, drawing attention to their breasts for attention. But there are some who disagree with me. Companies actually sell bra strap jewelry for the very purpose of showing off one’s underwear. And let’s not forget how popular the low-rise jeans are with a hint of thong showing. So I guess the answer to your question really depends on whom you ask. But if you flip through some fashion magazines and read some online articles, you’ll find that the general consensus seems to think that bra straps should remain under one’s clothing.
COMMENTS
Emily, I think you can show bra straps tastefully. Sometimes it’s a generational thing. I’m in my 30’s and I still don’t mind my strap showing under certain conditions: 1)only in the warm weather, and 2) only if the strap is cute. I cring to see teenagers with a dirty bra strap, like the bra has never been worn. Those girls need a cute accesory like the ones I get online at strappity.com. Beaded, colorful, strong. I mean, it’s GLASS, how can it get dirty!?!?