Ask Emily: First step is admittance
By Susan Pugh on Nov. 19, 2008
Dear Emily: I am worried about my wife, who has a drinking problem but refuses to admit it. She thinks alcoholics drink all day and neglect all responsibilities (which she doesn’t do), so there isn’t anything wrong. I told her that there is such a thing as a “functioning” alcoholic (which I believe she is), and she just laughed at me. She drinks every day as soon as she comes home at 5:30 p.m. and doesn’t stop until she goes to bed. I also think she has a drink or two before she even leaves the house. How do I get her to realize she has a problem and take better care of herself?
— Booze is bad news
Dear Booze is bad news: Alcoholism is a type of drug addiction, and it is a misconception that you have to be intoxicated all the time or be the stereotypical “drunk” to suffer from it. And, of course, an integral part of the disease is denial. So start by talking to your doctor and getting the symptoms of a functioning alcoholic. Then ask your wife to look at them. She’ll have to force herself to answer questions such as, does she choose to drink rather than dealing with problems? Does she use alcohol to escape into a world she has control over? Can she go two days without a drink? Perhaps if your wife sees, in print, that she exhibits a lot of signs of the functioning alcoholic she’ll be willing to consider that she has a problem. If she admits she has a problem, support her in any way possible. Get rid of all the alcohol in your house, encourage her to go to AA meetings and socialize with other non-drinkers. If she won’t admit she has a problem, you’ll just have to be patient and let her make the decision for herself to seek help.
Dear Emily: Before the presidential election was over, I had a huge McCain and Palin banner hanging at my house. I haven’t gotten around to taking it down yet and, quite honestly, I thought about leaving it up as a way to voice my opinion that I am not happy with the election results. Well, someone in my neighborhood had the nerve to knock on my door the other day and complain about the sign. I feel it is my right to express myself and that person has no right to tell me what I can and cannot display on my own property. Am I right here or not?
— My house, my rules
Dear My house, my rules: You do have the right to express yourself, to an extent. Your county may have restrictions dealing with putting up signs, with size and location of signs, varying according to zoning districts. So it may not be too far out of line for your neighbors to complain. But let’s get to the real issue: How, exactly, is keeping the sign up doing anything positive? If you look at the popular vote for this election, you’ll realize that a lot of people aren’t happy with the results. But would it make sense for nearly 46 percent of the nation to show their disapproval constantly in a public matter? It may make people feel good, temporarily, but it doesn’t change anything. Instead, it pulls our nation further apart, and that is exactly what we don’t need right now. If you want your voice to be heard, do something productive like getting involved in local politics. But your display won’t do anything, except alienate people and cause more tension between Republicans and Democrats.
Dear Emily: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost seven months now, and he won’t introduce me to his parents. They are a very close family, so it makes me wonder why he hasn’t wanted me to meet them yet. Is it possible he doesn’t think this relationship is going to last? Or that I’m not important enough to meet the family?
— Fretting over family
Dear Fretting over family: Anything is possible, but I suggest you ask your boyfriend before jumping to conclusions. Maybe he isn’t sure about your feelings and doesn’t want to take a big step, like introducing you to his family, if you aren’t ready for it. Communication is the key to making any relationship work, and it sounds like it is about time to sit down with your boyfriend and make sure that you both are on the same page.
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