Ask Emily: Exclusion bothers friend
By Casey Gillis on Jan. 24, 2008
Dear Emily: My best friend just moved to North Carolina for a new job. She called the other day, just to catch up, and mentioned she is having a housewarming party with some of her new friends in the area, as well as some family members who will be visiting. I can’t help but be offended that she didn’t invite me. I knew it would be difficult to stay such close friends when she moved a state away, but I never expected her to cut me out of her life so quickly. Am I being petty about this, or am I right to have expected an invitation?
- Moving too quickly
Dear Moving too quickly: I wouldn’t use the word “petty,” but the word “melodramatic” does spring to mind. This girl is your best friend - do you really think she is trying to cut you out of her life? And if you do, why would you be best friends with someone like that in the first place? She could have excluded you for many reasons. Maybe she didn’t want you to feel obligated to travel to her place. Maybe she had too many guests already with her family in town. Or maybe she wanted a chance to get better acquainted with her new friends. Don’t hold a grudge; just tell your friend how you feel and move on. Keeping in touch with someone out of state is hard, so make sure to keep communication open and honest.
Dear Emily: I went out on a date last weekend with a guy I’ve been seeing off and on for about a month. He took me to the movies, and about half way through he told me he didn’t feel well and wanted to leave. The next day I called him to see how he was feeling and he said he thought he had the flu or something. That night, a friend of mine saw him out at a restaurant with another girl. I am totally confused as to what happened and I don’t know how to approach him about this, or even if I should bring it up at all.
- Movie Madness
Dear Movie Madness: Why this guy left in the middle of a movie is a conundrum. Maybe he was legitimately sick with something other than the flu, but was embarrassed to give you the details. As long as you both are in agreement about your relationship (i.e. dating other people), don’t get too caught up in the movie issue if you like this guy. If it happens again, well then you definitely want to say something, but if the two of you keep dating as usual, just let it pass.
Dear Emily: My 21-year-old son is dating a girl I don’t care for. The girlfriend, “Stacey,” invited me over to their apartment for dinner one night. When I showed up, she acted surprised and said she didn’t remember inviting me. I know I am getting forgetful in my old age, but I know I remembered this correctly. What kind of girl would do this? A vindictive one, or just a stupid one?
- Dating Disaster
Dear Dating Disaster: Ouch - you really aren’t much for giving people the benefit of the doubt, are you? You need to make room for the possibility of a third option. You know you don’t have to be old to be forgetful. Isn’t it possible it just slipped her mind? Whatever her reason, try to be tolerant for your son’s sake. Like it or not, they are dating, and they must be semi-serious to be living together. But if her future actions cause you to believe she really is vindictive, then maybe you need to sit down with her and have it out. Find out what her problem is, and how you both can go about solving it.
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