Ask Emily: Costume conundrum
By Casey Gillis on Oct. 29, 2008
Dear Emily: My girlfriend and I went to a costume party the weekend before Halloween, and my girlfriend dressed up as a sexy kitten. I thought the outfit was a little too revealing, but she convinced me that that was what “everyone” wears to these types of things. Well, three guys hit on my girlfriend while we were at the party, and it made me furious. I am mad at my girlfriend especially because she insisted on wearing such a provocative outfit. She should have known better. Am I right to be mad at her?
— Bitter boyfriend
Dear Bitter boyfriend: There is a reason why the sexy cheerleader, French maid and kitten costume are so popular for adults come Halloween — women like to look and feel sexy. Let’s face it, we can’t wear a mini skirt and spiked heels in the workplace without being scorned, but throw a pair of devil’s ears on your head and the outfit is perfectly acceptable for Halloween. We use the holiday as an excuse to be a little provocative and take a walk on the wild side. However, there is a line between sexy and slutty, even when Halloween costumes are involved. It’s not right to put yourself on display with the intention of getting everyone’s attention; it’s degrading and disrespectful to your significant other. If your girlfriend crossed that line, you certainly have a right to be upset. After all, no one wants their girlfriend or boyfriend flaunting themselves around other people.
Dear Emily: My fiancé just told me she is pregnant. We are supposed to get married in a few months, and we weren’t planning on having children for a while after that. I just don’t think we are ready to have children at this point in our lives, and I just can’t bring myself to be happy about the situation. My girlfriend expects me to be overjoyed about the pregnancy, but I get stressed out about it every time I think about it. She keeps getting mad at me for not being supportive, and she refuses to see my side of things. How can I make this right?
— Got the baby blues
Dear Got the baby blues: Focusing on how you wish things turned out differently will get you nowhere. Life is full of surprises, and what matters most is how you deal with them. If you’re stressed out about the baby, find a healthy way to deal with that stress. Talk to your fiancé about what the future holds and how you can be prepared for it.
Sometimes just talking about your concerns will help alleviate them. Then you need to change our attitude and be more supportive for your fiancé. The fact that you are unhappy about the situation is irrelevant — you can’t do anything to change the past. Your girlfriend’s hormones are going crazy right now; she is probably emotional, nauseated, and just as nervous as you are. So if you want to make things right, start singing a different tune when it comes to the baby and looking on the positive side of the situation.
Dear Emily: My friend at work told me about how she wanted to apply for a different job within our company. It was a position I didn’t even know was available, but one I really would be good at, and one that would be really good for me. I know it seems backhanded, but I went ahead and applied for the position, and I got the job. Now I don’t know what to say to my friend. Is there anything I could do to convince her to forgive me?
— Worried at work
Dear Worried at work: It would have been best if you told your friend upfront that you planned to apply for the job, and given her your reasons. But now, as you said, your actions seem backhanded. Try to explain to her you reasons for wanting the job, and more importantly, tell her why you didn’t feel comfortable in the first place discussing the matter with her. Your sincerity may soften her up a bit, even if she doesn’t like what you have to say.
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