Ask Emily: Birthday blues
By Susan Pugh on Jan. 10, 2008
Dear Emily: I went out on three dates with this guy, “Scott,” and had a really nice time. The third date just happened to me on my birthday, which Scott knew about ahead of time. I know we just starting dating, and things may never get serious, but I was a little hurt that he didn’t do anything for me on my birthday. No flowers, no card, no nothing! Should I be offended or just chalk it up to a guy thing?
— Birthday Blues
Dear Birthday Blues: What did you do on the date? Did he pay for dinner or a movie? Because that would count as doing something for your birthday. As far as doing anything else, it probably would have been very awkward for Scott to think of a gift to get you or find an appropriate card when the two of you hardly know each other yet. Sure, flowers would have been nice, but you shouldn’t count it against him for not thinking about it, or not knowing how to handle the situation.
Dating is hard enough as it is without adding a curve ball on only the third date. Cut him some slack and give him another chance.
Dear Emily: I think my 19-year-old brother is gay. I totally don’t care and would support any lifestyle decision he made, but when I try to bring it up with him he just gets defensive and denies it. I want to show him I support him, but he refuses to open up and talk to me.
How can I make him trust me enough to be honest with me?
— Learning to trust
Dear Learning to trust: Sounds like the problem is you don’t trust your brother. You need to trust that he will come to you when he is ready to open up and talk. And you need to trust that when he says something, it’s true. Have you even stopped to think that maybe your brother isn’t a homosexual and you are just embarrassing him every time you bring it up? If you really want to be a good sibling and friend, back off a little bit and give your brother some space. You’ve already made it clear that you are available if and when he wants to talk.
Dear Emily: I lent my roommate $500 a month ago when she had car trouble and desperately needed money to get it fixed. Since then, I’ve noticed she has money to buy clothes, go to the movies and spend money at bars. But she never has a dime to pay me back. I don’t want this situation to get ugly, but I need my money back and I need her to start taking responsibility. What should my first step be?
— Bye Bye Benjamins
Dear Bye Bye Benjamins: Ask your roommate when she thinks she will be able to pay you back the money. If she gives you any hesitation, see if both you could agree on a repayment plan. Or perhaps you can work out a deal where she pays your part of the rent for however long it takes to pay you back. Give her options as a way to make an awkward situation easier to handle.
As long as she honors your agreement, who cares what she does with the rest of her money? But if she doesn’t follow through on your deal, you have every right to start demanding your money with a little more force and a little less
diplomacy.
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