Ask Emily: Antisocial or selfish?
By Casey Gillis on Mar. 03, 2010
Dear Emily: I consider myself a social butterfly, and love to go out and meet new people. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is kind of antisocial. We have a great time hanging out together, just the two of us, but every time I get my way and we go to a party or some kind of social gathering, we seem to argue. How do I get him to see he isn’t being fair to me by not compromising? – The More the Merrier
Dear The More the Merrier: When you are having a hard time explaining to people how you feel, try giving them an example they can relate to.
Such as, ask your boyfriend how he’d feel if you agreed to go someplace with him, and all you did was complain about it or pick a fight? Get your boyfriend to put himself in your shoes and see that his agreeing to go out with you to a party occasionally is not enough of a compromise. He needs to commit to the event, without any attitude; otherwise there is no point in going in the first place. If he refuses to do this, I think your problem is more that your boyfriend is selfish than unable to see how his behavior is hurting you. And if that is the case, I’d worry less about how to get your boyfriend to go to parties with you and more about if this guy cares enough about you.
Dear Emily: I keep sending my seven-year-old to school with a bagged lunch, and he keeps coming home hungry. He finally admitted that another boy in his class is stealing his lunch. I had a talk with my son’s teacher, which helped for a while, but I think my son is still getting bullied and just not telling me. How do I get the bullying to stop? – Bothered with bullying
Dear Bothered with bullying: There are at least three people who can help you stop a school bully. First is your son’s teacher. If she did a good job of stopping the bully from taking your son’s lunch, talk to her again about the additional torment. The second person to talk to is the bully’s guardian. If the bully’s parents care in the least about their own son’s well being, they’ll want to make sure to raise him right and keep him from being a bully. Of course, if they don’t know how their son is behaving, they can’t do anything about it. So go ahead and give them a call. And finally, there is your son. He needs to learn how to stick up for himself. Try enrolling him in martial arts classes. These don’t teach violence as an answer to any problem, but they do instill a lot of self-confidence.
Dear Emily: How do I keep friendships strong with everyone so busy all the time? My two best friends are always running to work, to the gym, to appointments, and to all sorts of places, making it difficult to hang out any more. We used to see each other once a week; now we’re lucky if we can all agree on a date and time to see each other once a month. – No time for friends
Dear No time for friends: Get in the digital age and keep close with your friends through technology. Use texting, emails, twitter and other social networking sites to stay involved in each other’s lives.
This isn’t ideal, I realize, but at least knowing what your friends are up to will keep you somewhat connected. Then, when you do get together, you don’t have to spend all of your time catching up on your lives; you can just enjoy each other’s company like you’re used to.
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