Ask Emily: A sorry will suffice
By Susan Pugh on Oct. 22, 2008
Dear Emily: I have never gone to a funeral before. My friend’s father passed away, and he wants me to go to the funeral with him. I’m not sure what to expect or what I’m supposed to do exactly. Should I bring flowers? What do I say to my friend’s mom? Please help!
- First time at a funeral
Dear First time at a funeral: Think of a funeral as a spectator sport (excuse my crudeness); no participation is required. This means you shouldn’t worry about what to do or what to say; rather, you should just go and observe. Just being there for your friend is what is expected of you. Do not bring flowers. If you want to buy a floral arrangement, have it sent to the funeral service. If not, just send a sympathy card instead to your friend’s mother. When you enter the funeral home (or wherever the service is being held), remain quiet and don’t sit towards the front (this is reserved for family). After the service, follow the procession of cars to the cemetery, if this is what your friend wants you to do. And if you should find yourself in front of his mother, just say something simple, and sincere, like “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Dear Emily: I used to be really popular in high school and have a lot of friends. But when I got to college, making friends became a lot harder. I feel like such an outcast, and I don’t know how to change the situation. I am a very outgoing person and go to a lot of social events, so it’s not like I’m not trying. What could I be doing wrong?
- Lonely in Lynchburg
Dear Lonely in Lynchburg: You may be trying to make friends, but you could be going about it in the wrong way. What social events are you attending? Weekend parties? Sporting events? Switch it up a little. Try going places where you have common interests with other people. Colleges have dozens of organizations for this very purpose, so get out there and join the Economics and Investment clubs, the Student Activities Board, the newspaper staff or anything else that may interest you. And, of course, the more you join, the more people you’ll meet - and the more chance you’ll have to make friends and fit in.
Dear Emily: My best friend, Janice, and I went to a fraternity party together last week, and she ended up leaving with a guy she barely knew. This is becoming a pattern, and I’m worried about her. Her defense is that she is young and just looking to have a good time. But her behavior is dangerous, and I don’t know how to convince her of that.
- Bothered by bad behavior
Dear Bothered by bad behavior: How about giving her some statistics. Did you know that one out of four women will be sexually assaulted on a college campus? Or that one out of eight women will be raped while in college? And did you know that the United States has 76 percent of the world’s serial killers? Now, I found these “facts” on the Internet, so I can’t swear to the accuracy, but you get my point (and, hopefully, your friend will, too). The world is not a safe place. And if some statistics don’t do the trick, try putting a face to them. Remind Janice about all of the college student abductions and disappearances on the news this year. I’m sure she won’t want to end up just another statistic.
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