And if you believe that ...
By Jon Busdeker on Jul. 19, 2007
In the 1900s, traveling salesmen sold tonics that cured everything from pimples and heartache to female problems and cancer. The miracle elixirs were mostly made of alcohol, cocaine or opium.
So, unless you wanted to get drunk or get high, the tonics were a waste of money.
In today’s high-tech world, that fast-talking, funny suit-wearing, take-your-money salesman’s product comes in a different form, such as moon real estate, time machines and voodoo spells.
On the Internet, there’s plenty of ways to waste your money. Here’s 10 ways to burn a hole in your pocket so fast, your underwear will catch on fire.
Aqua Maestro
That clear stuff coming from the faucet just isn’t cutting it. Only poor people actually use tap water. At Aqua Maestro, money flows like … water.
Aqua Maestro stocks the largest selection of fine bottled waters from around the world. The waters are sold by the case and shipped from the company’s warehouse in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
With brands like Ramlosa and Ty Nant, the waters at Aqua Maestro aren’t for everyone.
Bling H20, known for its “Hollywood Flair,” is bottled in Tennessee and comes in a glazed bottle adorned with Swarovski crystals. A 12-pack of the 750 ml bottles costs $441.
And, if you want to cool off a glass of Bling H20, you’ll need IceRocks. The cubes come in hermetically packaged trays that are ready to be frozen.
No more will those regular cubes ruin your water. A case of 48 cubes is $5.89.
http://www.aquamaestro.com
Moon Real Estate
Earth’s cities are over populated. Global warming is destroying the planet. Nuclear bombs may one day ruin the world.
It’s time to get property on the moon.
At The Moon Shop, you too can be the proud owner of property on the moon. According to the Web site, there are several billion separate pieces of property — all on the side of the moon facing the Earth.
But, due to the heavy demand, The Moon Shop cannot assure any properties will be in view of any craters.
A one-acre parcel of land will set you back $19.99 (in Earth dollars) plus a $1.51 lunar tax. Each sale comes with a deed, a map to locate the property and a lunar Bill of Rights.
http://www.moonshop.com
20th Century Castles
When the Russians decide to dust off their old nuclear bombs and send them our way, you’ll be glad you live in an underground missile base.
Through this Topeka, Kan., company, newlyweds, empty nesters or anyone looking for a home can purchase a piece of Cold War history. Dubbed as the “ultimate in security,” the underground missile sites were built in the 1960s to house various nuclear ICBMs.
The sites have since been decommissioned and today are in short supply. Those currently being de-commissioned are being destroyed to conform to international treaties.
Since 1995, more than 40 properties have been sold through the company.
A Titan I site located near Denver, Colo., is currently for sale. The piece of real estate is 210 acres that includes more than 45,000 square feet of underground floor space, a chain-link fence surrounding the site and three missile silos interconnected by tunnels.
Cost: $1.8 billion.
http://www.missilebases.com
Baby Patents
Every year, millions of babies are born, so yours isn’t special.
But now, you can make your baby special with its own patent number. The United State Baby Patent Office (USBPO) allows parents to receive a unique patent number and a certificate.
The patents, which start at $5.99, are good for life and never have to be renewed.
According to the USBPO, “the awarding of a U.S baby patent is not limited to newborn babies. A patent may be retroactively awarded to anyone of any age.”
http://www.yournameuniversity.com/babypatent.asp
Bizarre Bids
Who buys this crap?
Bizarrebids.com helps consumers wade through the practical ebay stuff and get to the wacky, zany and ridiculous. Here are some of the highlights, with their ebay descriptions:
* Two Haunted Old Tintype Photos — Starting bid $5.99. “The items may or may not be haunted, but came from a house that’s known to be haunted.”
* Vintage Prosthetic Hook for Hand — Sold for $162.50. “I’m not sure if it’s a left or right hand. It is stamped ‘Dorrance U.S.A.’ and is clean and working with all pieces.”
* Freak Two-Headed Mouse — Starting bid $75. “This gaff was made from real mice. Modern taxidermy techniques were used to last a lifetime.”
http://www.bizarrebids.com
Tank Rides
When traffic is at a standstill, a tank is the only answer.
Tank Ride, located in Morristown, Minn., allows anyone to suit-up and command, fire and drive in a real World War II Russian T-34/85 tank.
For two hours, you will be taken on a simulated mission where anti-tank guns will fire at you. You must return fire in hopes of making it back to the base alive.
If you happen to live through the attack, you will have a chance to fire live rounds from several different machine guns including a Russian AK47, an American M-16 or an Uzi.
The cost to relive World War II is $150 per person (two person minimum).
But say you had so much fun you wanted to take a tank home. Tank Rides also sells tanks. A Russian T-55 Battle Tank can be yours for as little as $30,000.
http://www.tankrides.com
Star Registry
Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder why someone would spend $139 to name a star that’s millions of light years away?
At the International Star Registry, you can do just that. Since 1979, boyfriends have tried to impress their girlfriends by naming celestial bodies “sweetz,” “luvu4ever” and “till this star fades away.”
Although the scientific community doesn’t recognize the stars, you do receive a full-color parchment certificate personalized with the star name, date and coordinates. Also included is a personalized sky chart containing the star name, star date, the constellation and the location circled in red where the star is in the sky.
http://www.starregistry.com
Future Horizons
Time travel is possible. Reading minds is possible. Jet packs are possible.
And it’s all at Future Horizons.
Future Horizons is a small research and development group dedicated to making secret, suppressed and controversial information accessible to interested individuals.
The product line features everything from laser guns and brain wave receivers to weather controllers and time machines.
The time machine — also called the “the Hyper-Dimensional Resonator” — is hooked up to the head of the user. Then, by setting the dial, it allows the user to spontaneously astral project. And once you’re able to astral project, you can travel in space and time either to the future or the past.
The machine costs $590. (You can rent Napoleon Dynamite for $3 and see what the machine really does.)
Also available is the Wishing Machine for $390. The machine is like an electronic genie that amplifies users brain waves to make wishes come true.
If the Wishing Machine sounds too expensive, Future Horizons also sells the plans to build it.
So that’s how Radio Shack stays in business.
http://www.futurehorizons.net
California Astrology Association
Looking for love?
Need some cash?
Want to right a wrong?
You can do it through voodoo. The California Astrology Association Web site sells everything from good-luck charms and voodoo dolls to horoscopes and spells.
For as low as $25, the spells promise to help you strike it rich, bring back lost love or wreck someone’s relationship.
The Voodoo Hot Lust Spell “calls upon powerful spirits to make you irresistible to the special person you wish to attract.”
The site sells both spells and spell kits. If you request a spell, it is cast on your behalf. A letter is then sent to explain the effects of the spell. If you request a spell kit, you receive a kit through the mail that includes the items and instructions you will need in order to cast the spell yourself.
The California Astrology Association is so sure its services will work, the group offers an unconditional one-year money back guarantee.
http://www.calastrology.com
John’s Masters
John Sammon of Cleveland will start his Masters program at Ohio University this fall. The problem is school is expensive, and Sammon needs someone to pay for it.
Instead of begging his parents or taking out a loan, he’s hoping you will pay for his school.
Earlier this year, Sammon started a Web site where he sells advertising space for $100. Sammons hopes to generate $20,000 to put toward his two-year degree.
So far, six businesses have put logos on the site.
If Sammon manages to raise more than the $20,000 needed, he will donate what’s left over to Ohio University’s Visual Communications program, where it will be used to fund graduate scholarships.
Grab your credit card and give the guy some money. Sammon is probably an intelligent student hoping to get the most out of his education.
How many Milwaukee’s Best 30-packs can $20,000 buy?
http://www.fundjohnsmasters.com
COMMENTS
This is pretty cool, but you’re wrong about the drugs in the “miracle cures”. They worked wonders, which is why people hailed them as “miracle cures”. To this day, cocaine is great for any kind of pain, asthma attacks, allergies, and many other ailments. The only problem is that it is also addictive, making it eventually create more problems than it originally solved.
Same is true with opium and heroin. To this day most of our hard-core pain medicine is from a derivitive of opium.
But in many developing countries there is no effective means by which a lender could foreclose, so the mortgage loan industry, as such, either does not exist at all or is only available to members of privileged social classes.
Settled agrarian and industrial societies are composed of household units living permanently in housing of various types, according to a variety of forms of Land tenure.
Thomas is right; in a controlled environment cocaine would make a great drug for a lot of diseases. Unfortunately any controlled environment tends to get out of control. Sure, we could have armed keepers but there is an old Greek saying: who will supervise the supervisors?
We can’t even imagine a controlled environment when it comes to drugs. They are to powerful and too tempting because drugs also involve big money and illegal businesses… how can you control that?
http://www.centerforaddiction.org/
Dana is right. Modern medicine didn’t discovered yet a good way to control drugs, so a treatment with drugs might be even more destructive than the disease itself. I doubt that scientists will soon find a way to make these drugs useful and not addictive at all. It’s a big challenge.
Addiction treatment is for those persons who have found themselves not able to live a life without drugs or alcohol. When these things create problems in your life, with your family, with your job, and where they are all in jeopardy, then you need drug rehabilitation treatment offered by an effective drug treatment center.
Hello, excellent site, very rich in content and correctly carefully thought out, personally I found here much interesting and useful…
Implementation of the Pure Food and Drug Act forced many medicines off the market and compelled others to change their advertising, product content, or both. But sale of patent and proprietary medicines continued.
land for sale
The problem goes like this… Drugs will always be a problem unless you somehow kill all the drug lords… Killing all of them is highly unprobable so we should think how to perfect our existing drug rehab program and how could we run more campaigns that could have a serious impact on the population.